To See the Ocean
by despommes
Summary: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring - somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.
1. Prologue

Hi, new story, enjoy.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

In the candle light, she looked well. Her skin was given a soft glow; her eyes sparkled and shone with the reflection. She wore a calm smile, brandishing it to the face of everything that held her down.

He supposed he wouldn't understand. She seemed content, almost… happy. No fatigue was given away in her expression, although he knew she was in desperate need of more rest. Her hands didn't shake, nor did her eyes look tired.

"Tell me what you're thinking about."

His line of vision was yanked from her hands to her face, but she was not looking at him. Her focus was on the embroidery in front of her.

"You're not frightened."

"Why should I be?" Her smile seemed to grow.

"Well, I think it would be natural."

She nodded, agreeing in his answer's sensibility. Then she was silent for a while. Her hands continued to manipulate the needle and thread, resuming the pretty design. There were numerous small red dots on her fingers.

"I've had plenty of time to dwell on it. After a while, the idea becomes less intimidating."

"I was terrified to die."

She nodded. Her hands wavered, trembling in the effort of getting the needle through. "There's nothing to be ashamed of in being scared to die. You chose death to benefit those you love. You were scared of never seeing them again, leaving them, what would happen once you were gone." He nodded. "I have no one to leave behind." Another prick of the needle, a small gasp, a tiny drop of blood. "I had no choice in my fate. I will die whether I like it or not. And I've come to accept that as the way it is."

His gaze faltered to the ground. She spoke so boldly for such a frail woman. He felt ashamed of himself, accusing her of being afraid. "It makes sense."

"You are so young." Her eyes were upon him now. He stilled his breathing as her cool, soft hand rose to cup his cheek. "Just a baby. Carrying all this tragedy." He barely noticed himself turning his face into her touch, his eyes slowly sliding closed. "I wish more than anything that none of your sorrow had ever touched you. But wishes can only do so much."

Tears pooled against his lashes. She pulled him into a weak embrace, resting his head against her collarbone and her cheek upon his hair. "It's what's best for the world," he murmured. "What's best for them."

"I know, Lelouch. But it doesn't make any of it right."

Suddenly, he was disgusted with himself. He was wallowing in his own self-pity in the arms of a dying woman, wrapped up in his own guilt and sorrow. All the same, her lifetime was being reduced to days, hours, possibly minutes. His hand found hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I know." Her breath rattled in her chest as she spoke. "I'd like to go to the beach."

He broke away from her embrace, brows knitted and expression puzzled. "You're not well," he murmured. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Lelouch." Her eyes were teasing, her smile back. "I was given eight months to live. I made it five years. I think I deserve one last trip to the beach I grew up on."

He was silent. She pulled the quilt back from her legs, which were thin and pasty from disuse. He fetched her shoes, but she pushed them away.

"It's cold—"

"I want to feel the sand under my feet." All the aloof amusement she had exuded before was gone. Now her face held stone cold determination and the effort it took to do something as small as sitting up on the edge of the bed.

Even if she had refused to wear shoes, she said nothing about the blanket he wrapped around her shoulders. His own coat and shoes were on as he lifted her into his arms, bridal style. She'd lost the strength to walk weeks before.

Outside, it was nearly pitch black. Only the moon gave him enough light to walk through the grass and wildflowers. Her head was lifted to the sky. Stars glittered in the night around the silvery moon. He didn't realize how close the house was to the ocean until the soil under his shoes became looser and looser, and soon he was walking in sand and could see the night's reflection against a vast plain of water and hear waves crashing to the shore.

He took his own blanket and spread it out on the ground, making a place for them to sit. He positioned her so that her feet hung over the blanket to rest in the soft sand and sat beside her, close enough that their shoulders touched.

For a while, they didn't speak. The two simply stared at the moonlit sight before them, sparkling ocean water and flawless night sky. Even in the dark, her eyes closed, she could taste the salt on her tongue and smell the brine of the sea, until she was a girl again, playing on the shore with two perfect brothers, a white dress, and the wind in her long, sandy hair. A real, joyful smile found her lips for the first time in a long, long while.

"Thank you."

He said nothing back. Only wrapped the blanket more tightly around her shoulders, eventually giving up and placing his arm around her instead. He pulled her close, lending her body warmth.

To her, it was daylight, the sky a cloudy, perfect grey and a small, beautiful boy running to her with a shell she had never seen before in his hand and crying, "Suvini, Suvini, I found another one!" Another boy, this one just growing into his age with long unfamiliar limbs and a handsome face, was filling a basket full of shells and stones washed in on the ocean surf. He smiled a dazzling, genuine smile and all she could do was smile back because the wind was blowing and her hair flew all around her.

He saw the peaceful smile she wore. It comforted him, knowing that in that moment she wasn't thinking about pain or sadness or tragedy, but of two pairs of arms, one small and one large, around her, her nose in soft blonde hair and a beautiful smile against her temple. So when breath stopped hitting his neck, he didn't feel sad or lonely or sorry. He just kissed her forehead, said a prayer he couldn't bring himself to believe, and lifted her into his arms again.

Back in the cottage, he gently placed her body back in the bed and pulled the quilt back over her. He phoned the doctor, told him yes, Suvi was dead, no, she didn't feel any pain. It wasn't until he had hung up that he realized he had left his own blanket on the beach. So, out he went, again. He walked quickly, trying not to think about it that much. His blanket was exactly where he left it, waiting on the sand. A giggle met him when he bent to pick it up, and when he looked up, he said nothing.

Suvi stood before him in a white sundress, so much younger and more beautiful than he had ever seen her. He dropped his blanket. It made her laugh. With a soft, sweet smile, she picked up the blanket and folded it for him. It was held out to him in a neat, perfect square. His mouth was slightly agape; he could do nothing but stare at the miniature Suvi that had her head tilted and a giggle at her lips. Swiftly, she placed the blanket in his hand sand jumped to kiss him quickly on the cheek before stepping back. There was a shout, and his eyes moved to see two boys behind them. One was very small, waving and calling to her. The other was nearly as tall as he was, shoulders relaxed and hands in his pockets.

Suvi waved back at the little boy and turned to face him again. "It's never too late," she whispered to him. "Find him."

Then she was running off towards the two boys, her bare feet leaving prints in the sand as real as his own heartbeat. They disappeared. Gaping at the blanket in his hands, the one _she_ folded, he turned to go back to the cottage. Once off of the beach, he started to sob, and cried all the way back to her bedroom.


	2. The Composer

THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS GUYS. JEEZE.

But seriously, for the one review I did get, thank you. You have a kind heart.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

When Suzaku dreamed about Lelouch, there was always a terrible ache in his chest. He would wake up in the middle of the night, shaking, with a tingling feeling in his limbs. Like all the blood in his body was too chilled to flow back to his heart. He felt cold. Usually, he couldn't even remember what the dream was about. All he would be able to recall was soft white light and two sharp, sparkling gems the color of violets. After his dreams, he would get out of bed and pad softly across the carpet to the bathroom. He would run a shower, turning the dial as hot as he could stand, and soak in the scalding water until the freezing feeling under his skin was completely gone.

This dream was different, though. He remembered it vividly—Lelouch, asleep on someone else's bed. His pajamas were white and matched the sheets covering his body. He looked beautiful; his eyelashes softly spread out against his cheeks, ebony hair splayed out on the pillow underneath the side of his face. Suzaku could hear his breath escaping, body rising and falling with each inhale and exhale. He could smell the ocean and hear waves, like the house they were in was somewhere near the sea. The tangy brine tingled in his nose, mixed with the aroma of foreign flowers he'd never smelled before. A gentle breeze caused the curtains of the open window to flutter, along with the hair around Lelouch's face. He looked like an angel.

Suzaku watched him for what seemed like hours. He remembered the way the sunlight fell in from the window and landed on Lelouch's skin. But, unlike any of his other dreams, he didn't feel the familiar ache in his chest or the burning in his throat. He didn't even remember feeling sad. Instead, Suzaku felt oddly peaceful. That was what freaked him out. He should feel guilty, angry, distraught. It was his fault Lelouch wasn't there in the first place, lying in bed beside him and not in a grave or coffin or a bed in his dreams. But he couldn't bring himself to disrupt the quiet tranquility flowing through his conscious. It just didn't seem right.

The clock on his nightstand read _5:37 AM_. It was still much too early for anyone else to be awake. He still had at least another two hours before Nunnally would even begin to wake up. Throwing the comforter off of himself, his stood up and began to quietly make his way to the bathroom. He didn't turn the shower on to boiling, however, deciding instead to run a bath at a comfortable temperature. He didn't even bother to throw his clothes in the hamper. In his peaceful state of mind, he just didn't care.

He sat in his bath for almost an hour, just listening to the sound of his own breathing. There no watery noises that usually accompany a bath; Suzaku sat completely still, submerged to his chin in pleasantly warm water that was like glass all around his body. Slowly, he drew in a long breath and held it, pulling his head under the water. Underneath it was totally silent. He could sit for a moment, pretending he wasn't there, he wasn't Zero, he wasn't a murderer. He was just alone. Just Suzaku Kururugi, eyes closed and hair floating about his face.

When the water started to grow cold, he realized his moment of peace was over and lifted the drain. He slipped a bathroom on, bare feet hitting the marble floors. He despised what he saw in the mirror. His face was still young—he still had yet to start shaving—but his eyes had lost their emerald luster long ago and he honestly thought it would never return. But that didn't matter; he had a mask to hide it.

* * *

"Good morning!"

Nunnally smiled to him, a cheerful sparkle in her eyes. Every morning, they had breakfast in her bedroom. She insisted upon it. Suzaku removed his mask, smiled back to her and sat at the foot of her bed. She was still in her nightgown, a tray of food in front of her. His own tray was still on the cart by the bed.

"Good morning, Nunnally," he murmured.

"How did you sleep?" she asked kindly.

"Not badly."

"I'm glad to hear it." He watched her struggle to pierce the skin of a grapefruit. He took it in his own hands and carefully began to peel it.

"Thank you." She blushed. He just nodded, smiling at her good-naturedly.

"You're very welcome," he said cheekily. She giggled and pinched his face.

"I'm afraid you won't be able to find Schneizel today; I know you wanted to talk to him about Lloyd's research budgets—"

"And how he's not to be trusted with the vast amount of money Schneizel gives him," he muttered.

"_But_," Nunnally giggled, "He's gone to Finland."

"Finland?" Suzaku placed the freshly peeled grapefruit back atop Nunnally's plate. She nodded.

"A former composer for the royal family passed away a day ago. Her name was Suvi Linninkavi; she lived in Tampere. Schneizel will be attending the funeral. I have a letter here."

She handed him a large envelope, inside of which held a small booklet. Printed on its pages were several pictures of a pretty woman; in nearly all of them, she wore thick, box-rimmed glasses and a slightly amused smile. It eerily reminded him of Lloyd.

"She died of pancreatic cancer," he murmured. She was forty-three years old.

"Her oncologist gave her an estimate of eight months to live, and she outlived that by about four years."

He read the obituary. She left behind no family, no descendents, and no heirs. Her estate went entirely to the aide that had taken care of her for her last three years, a boy named Mika Karppainen.

"Did you ever meet her?" he asked Nunnally. She shrugged.

"I'm sure I did; mother was fond of music. Schneizel said I was most likely too young to remember." Her face turned suddenly melancholy. "It's sad, isn't it?"

Suzaku blinked. "What's sad, lady Nunnally?"

"She died without anyone beside her. She had no children or family. All she had left was her life's work. And in the end, even after everything she accomplished, she was alone."

"I'm sure she wasn't alone, Nunnally," he murmured. "This boy, Mika. She left everything she owned to him. He had to have been at least some comfort to her before the end."

"I…" Nunnally's eyes rose to his face. "I suppose that's true. She must have cared for him in some way if she put him in her will."

Suzaku smiled and patted her hand. His breakfast, still on the food cart, had lost all its appeal to him. He opted instead to sip at the coffee from his tray.

Nunnally tilted her head. "I think," she mused, "That I would like to go to the funeral."

Suzaku's brows rose slightly. "To Finland?"

"Yes. To pay respect."

His eyes returned to the small booklet in his lap. A large picture of Linninkavi stared back at him, a pair of ocean blue eyes twinkling behind their glasses, a Mona Lisa smile planted on her lips. Her arms were crossed, a conductor's baton trapped between nimble fingers. It was almost as if the picture was encouraging him. Like Suvi knew something they didn't, that there was a surprise waiting for them.

"Okay." He looked up at Nunnally and grinned. "We'll go."

* * *

REVIEW PLEASE.


	3. A Piano for a Keepsake

Thanx for the reviews, guise. Iz much better.

HERE YOU GO.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

He was putting all of her favorite things in boxes and trunks, to be put in the attic. The folder she kept all of her compositions in was to be kept secret and out of the public eye. It went at the bottom of the trunk. Next to that, another folder, this one full of letters from loved ones and cherished documents. A piece of tattered printing paper, covered in crayon drawings; there were four stick people: a small boy, and older one, a girl, and a woman. The girl had long, sand-colored hair with a blue ribbon in it. He hadn't meant to look at it. Photo albums went next, three of them. He didn't open them.

Another trunk, smaller than the last, was pried open. In this one, he put her favorite tea set, a silver hairbrush, a turquoise comb, and a few pairs of lace gloves. A set of ivory conductor's batons. There was a book full of crushed flowers, filled with violets, morning glories, baby's breath, daisies, and bougainvilleas. She had a few perfume bottles, some containing the liquids that came in them and others that had been thoroughly rinsed out and filled with rosewater. Those still had petals floating in their contents. Next was a small wooden box that withheld several pieces of silver and gold jewelry, as well as her collection of different-colored hair ribbons.

She said there was only one thing in her closet she wanted him to keep for her. In a white box on the floor, there was a simple, white dress trimmed with French lace; a wedding dress. In the box with the dress there was a pair of ivory princess flats with bows on them, a silk necklace on which pearls dangled, and a pair of satiny white, elbow-length gloves. His hands ran over the chiffon and lace of the dress, eyes sliding closed.

She had never told him she was married.

In a cardboard box he put a few sketchbooks, a box of drawing pencils, a collection of paints, and a basket of different brushes. Next were her instruments. With great difficulty, he managed to haul them all up to the attic: two oboes, a bassoon, a piccolo, flute, clarinet, three French horns, an alto and soprano saxophone, a trombone, two violins, viola, cello, and a harp. There was an entire room that she kept for composing, but he didn't even know how to read music and just didn't feel like looking at so many things that she cherished every day. The only thing he kept was her baby grand piano; he had a hard enough time getting the other instruments upstairs. He didn't think he'd be able to get a whole piano into the attic.

He sat at the foot of the stairs, breathing heavily and completely exhausted. Getting the harp up there was what nearly ended him; he was pretty sure it was out of tune now. His arms were shaking from the effort. Head in his hands, he gulped in great breaths of air through his mouth. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. He didn't want to be there, putting all the things she loved in boxes and locking them away forever. He had never thought her death would impact him like it did. He'd known from the day he met her that she was dying. He'd expected it. But now that she was gone, he was constantly reminded that he was completely _all alone_ and there was absolutely _no one_ left for him to go to.

Pulling the sleeves of his sweater down (he had never quite adapted to comparatively colder weather than that of what he was used to), his feet led him to her small conservatory. The goddamn piano stood there, black and gleaming in the cheerful sunlight. There was a large window that looked out into her wild little garden, full of native spices and blooms. He stood by the piano bench, looking out of the glass panes and watching the outside world. Birds flew past, a few perching on the little fence in front of the cottage to inspect the small garden. A small way in the distance, the valley stopped and there was a sharp cliff, overlooking the blue ocean. On the other side, a gently sloping hill opened into the beach. The grass there receded into sand, where he'd laid a blanket only one night prior. It really was a perfect little seaside cottage.

* * *

Suzaku had expected Finland to be a frozen wasteland, covered ice and snow. He had not expected the weather to be mild, or the scenery to be beautiful. From the royal jet he could see several silvery lakes, hidden in patches of thickly wooded forest. The climate was a bit cooler than it was in Brittania. He hadn't realized that there were summer months towards the top of the Earth as well.

Nunnally held his gloved hand as they were escorted from the Tampere airport. He pushed her wheelchair to the armored limousines that had come to take them to the chateau in which Schneizel was staying. It was a sunny day. Pedestrians on the sidewalks stared at the limousines in the street, baring the Brittanian flag. Nunnally was immersed in a novel she had started before the flight, her eyes focused on the pages and not the people outside. Suzaku wondered at how she never became carsick.

The chateau wasn't very big at all. There was a small courtyard, with a single fountain on the green lawn. The pebbled drive extended horizontally parallel from the front doors, where Schneizel stood on the steps. He smiled to Nunnally as her door was opened. "Hello, Nunnally," he said warmly, kissing her forehead.

"Hello, Schneizel." She returned the smile, settling back in her wheelchair. Suzaku stayed silent as he pushed her up the steps and into the entrance. There was one grand staircase inside, opening out on to a marble floor. He drifted off while Schneizel and Nunnally made pleasant small-talk; his mind was fuzzy and he was a bit jetlagged. His eyes danced around the room, admiring the different vases of flowers all around. On tables, windows, some even dangling from the chandelier.

"The service is tomorrow, in the Kuopio chapel. We'll be leaving for it around ten in the morning."

She nodded. "I'd like to be shown to my room now."

Schneizel nodded. "Of course."

Suzaku followed a housekeeper into the lift and watched her press the button for the second floor. Once in the hallway, she showed them to a room with French doors and brass handles. "Lord Zero, your room is on the left."

He nodded and she gave a quick bow before leaving them to themselves. He opened Nunnally's door and found that her luggage had already been sent up. "Hand me the small bag," she said to him, and he did. She opened and dug her hand around, pulling out a hairbrush. He removed her coat, leaving her only in her simple day dress, before lifting her from the chair and placed her on the bed. "Thank you," she murmured.

Suzaku removed his mask after making sure the door was locked and curtains pulled. "Would you like me to help you unpack?" he asked. She shook her head.

"No; I'll get to it later." She gathered her long hair and pulled it over one shoulder. "Isn't this country beautiful?"

He nodded. "Yes. It's not what I expected."

"The air is so crisp. I suppose it's from the ocean."

"Maybe." He sat next to her on the bed. The hairbrush lay limply in her hands, so he took it from her and began to gently run it through her mocha waves of hair. "It's different."

"I like the difference." Her eyes closed as the teeth of the brush softly ran against her scalp. Once Suzaku had finished brushing, one hundred strokes, he began to pull it all into three separate parts before winding them all into one long braid. "You're awfully quiet today."

His hands paused momentarily. "I am?"

"Yes." She folded her hands into her lap. "You hardly said a word on the jet."

"I… I must have dozed off."

She giggled. "Suzaku," she teased, "Are you sleepy?"

"Quite the opposite, your majesty." An amusing smile tugged at his lips. "I had a lovely nap earlier while you and Schneizel had a nice, long chat."

She gasped playfully and reached behind her to pet his hair. "Now, Suzaku, that's not a very nice thing to say."

"I'm sorry, your highness," he laughed. When he reached the end of the braid, he pulled a pink ribbon from around Nunnally's wrist and used it to tie a bow around her hair. "Your voices are just so calm and lulling."

She turned around and harmlessly tweaked his nose. A hand came up to her mouth to stifle a small yawn. "I'm quite tired," she murmured.

"I suppose I'll go to my own room and leave you to rest." Suzaku stood up and kneeled to remove her shoes. He lifted the blankets and sheets up, allowing Nunnally to slide herself underneath them.

"Sweet dreams, Nunnally," he murmured. Then he bent over her and kissed her forehead, much like someone very dear to her used to.

* * *

Okay, review now, please and thank you.


	4. A Day for Mourning

Here you are. A new chapter.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

It was a mild, cloudy morning. The air smelled like rain, but he doubted a drop would fall. He had put on his best suit that day, a simple one that consisted of black trousers, starched and stiff white shirt, and a dark grey vest that was a bit too big for him. His black dress shoes were half-buried in the sand.

Black cars and people dressed to match them lined the sidewalks, entering the chapel that faced the ocean. Some had umbrellas opened and held above their heads. They, too, were black. The whole day seemed to be black. The clouds were swiftly turning a jet color, and the sea looked as if it were made of ink.

He shivered and stared at his glossy, black shoes. He'd argued about this day with himself since she died. Should he go to her funeral? Schneizel was going to be there. He couldn't afford to be seen or recognized. But he wanted to say goodbye. Suvi had left everything to him, knowing exactly who he was and what he had done. She hadn't given a damn about where he came from. She gave him a place to live and someone to talk to for as long as she was able. He couldn't let them bury her without seeing her one last time.

Ocean wind whipping at his clothes and hair, he started the walk to the chapel.

* * *

"It looks like rain."

Suzaku nodded. Nunnally sat beside him in the limousine, hands folded in her lap and eyes cast toward the sky. It was an angry, swirling grey, and thunder rumbled in the distance.

Schneizel sat across from them. He was silent, his attention turned to the booklet in his hands. It was the same booklet Nunnally had shown him before they left. Once again, those smiling blue eyes gazed at him from behind stylish glasses, almost like they were teasing him.

Both Nunnally and Schneizel had dressed in black for the ceremony. Suzaku even wore a black Zero's uniform; one that he'd had made specifically for occasions like this. As they grew closer to the chapel (which was more like a small cathedral), he saw several people dressed as they were, milling about the small courtyard before disappearing into the large oak doors. He stepped out of the car and helped Nunnally into her wheelchair. They were escorted into the church and seated in one of the balconies inside the service room.

What seemed to be hundreds of people had come to say farewell to Suvi Linninkavi, the renowned and accomplished composer and, from what he'd read, Good Samaritan. That morning he'd done some research. She'd founded and done charity work for several different orphanages, helping children all over the world. Most of them had been in countries Brittania had ravaged through conquest. Finland itself had never been pinpointed by Brittania. Why waste money and war effort attempting to invade a country that wouldn't be of any use?

They sat and waited for the rest of the mourners to gather in the ceremony hall. A priest, a Catholic priest by the looks of his robes, stood at the altar, an open Bible in his hand. The crowds in the pews grew silent instantly. At the foot of the podium he stood at, Suzaku could see a black and gold coffin surrounded by flowers and picture frames. In it lay Suvi Linninkavi, dressed all in black and white, hands folded below her breast. He couldn't see her face; he was too far away.

The priest, Father Pekka, began reading excerpts from the holy book in his hands. After each passage, he explained his reason for choosing that particular section, be it to tell of Suvi's kindness towards the children in all the orphanages, or the musical prodigy she had been since her early childhood. Suzaku himself didn't believe in the Bible or anything it said, but he listened nonetheless. He supposed it was out of respect for Suvi's memory.

After nearly an hour, Father Pekka closed the Bible and placed it on his podium. He clasped his hands and requested that they bow their heads in prayer. Suzaku saw both Nunnally and Schneizel close their eyes and turn their faces to the floor. He bent his head, but kept his eyes open.

"Our Father in Heaven, we ask you to receive this beloved soul with open arms and welcome her into your golden kingdom. She was cherished and loved by many, and has impacted lives of countless children and adults alike. Suvi will never be forgotten by those of us who have gathered here to say our final goodbyes. She and her giving ways will live on in our hearts and in our memories for as long as we live. In the name of your son, we pray to you."

A collective "Amen" echoed throughout the chapel. Suzaku lifted his head and saw that people were standing and beginning to move towards the coffin. Nunnally's hand came to rest on his and he took that a sign to stand. Taking the handles of her wheelchair, he followed Schneizel from the balcony to stand in the line of people leading up to the coffin. He had been told many other famous musicians had come to pay their respects. He saw a famous Japanese violinist and a harpist he'd seen in concert himself once, when he was very young.

When it was their turn to pass the coffin, Nunnally's eyes peered over the edge to look at the woman inside. "She was so pretty," she murmured, her head leaning to Suzaku. "Wasn't she a pretty woman?"

He nodded. Her long hair was settled around her shoulders as if she had just lain down to sleep. Her skin was dull and faded in death, but he guessed in life that it had been a lovely golden-tan color. On her face was a content, peaceful smile, her eyes delicately closed. He wondered if she'd died with that expression, or if it was just the work of some talented mortician.

When their turn was up, Suzaku wheeled Nunnally to the other side of the church to join Schneizel. While they talked, Suzaku's mind drifted. He could hear the chatter of other people around him, talking about the service or admiring the floral arrangements.

"Do you like the display, Mika?"

His ears perked at that. Suvi had left all of her estate to a boy named Mika Karppainen. He wondered if it was the same Mika.

"Yes. It's very beautiful. She looks like she's only sleeping."

He knew that voice. Oh, god, he knew that voice.

"_Kiitos_, Father Pekka."

"It was my pleasure, Mika."

Suzaku turned around to catch a glimpse of him, but Mika was already gone and he only saw the Father standing beside Suvi's coffin, shaking hands with someone.

A chilling feeling crept of from his stomach to his chest, as if someone had cut him open and poured ice water on his insides. He tried to shake the sensation and return his attention to Nunnally's hand tugging on his sleeve.

* * *

"Suzaku, come look!"

Nunnally's eyes fell on the basket that rested sat atop her nightstand. Suzaku, mask-less and beginning to relax, sat next to her on her bed.

"It's a candy basket," she said excitedly, placing it in her lap to tear the cellophane from the wicker basket of sweets. Suzaku looked at the card.

_ I had Kanon go out to the shoppes to gather some native sweets. I thought you would enjoy them._

_ -Schneizel_

"Try them with me." Nunnally unwrapped what looked like a thin stick of pure chocolate. There was another that contained hazelnuts, which she handed to Suzaku.

They continued to rummage through the basket, not sampling everything but looking at the different varieties they were brought. There was a clear bag with a note on it that said "_Especially delicious_" in Schneizel's handwriting. Suzaku brought it closer to his eyes.

"_Salmiakki_," he read. The candies inside looked like little fish-shaped chocolates. Nunnally tilted her head.

"Let's try those next."

"Okay." Suzaku ripped the bag open and put one of the treats in Nunnally's outstretched hand. If they had only stopped to sniff the candy first, it would have saved them quite a bit of misery.

The _second_ Suzaku put the candy fish in his mouth, his stomach heaved and he gagged, spitting it right back into his hand. The taste that lingered on his tongue was enough to make him gag again, and again. Nunnally spit her piece out into a handkerchief and held the cloth to her mouth, lest she dry heave. Suzaku stood to hurriedly get them both a glass of water. Nunnally gratefully accepted hers, gulping it down in seconds.

"What… what is that?" she said, between disgusted pauses. Suzaku looked at the bag again, scanning it for any English he could find.

"Salty licorice," he moaned, taking another drink of water.

Nunnally's face was green. "Schneizel has a sick sense of humor," she muttered. "Throw that stuff away."

"No," Suzaku said. "I can think of a better way to dispose of it."

He rose, put his mask on, and left to find Schneizel. He was in the parlor, drinking his evening tea. Suzaku, knowing very well that Schneizel could deny Zero absolutely nothing, threw the licorice into his lap and ordered him to eat the whole bag.

* * *

Ever had Salmiakki? It will change your life.

I couldn't help but put that last part in there.

Review plz.


	5. Selfless Charity

You guys, I have been soooo sick. You have no idea. I've been puking and hurting everywhere, iz unbelievable. I thought I was going to **die.** But I just woke up one day, feeling a lot better and hungry enough to ride a horse. How do you explain this?

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

Their three-day trip to Finland had been lovely while it lasted. But, their business there was done and it was time to return to Brittania. The funeral was over and there was no reason for them to stay. Suzaku was in Nunnally's room, gathering her bags together for her.

"I wish we could have stayed longer," he murmured. He received no answer; Nunnally gazed out the window at the sunny skies outside. Her head was tilted, tawny waves of hair spilling over her shoulder.

"I want you to stay here."

He was so startled that he accidentally dropped a rather large suitcase on his foot. As he hissed and bit the inside of his cheek, Suzaku turned to look at Nunnally with a confused expression and questioning eyes.

"You don't want me to return with you to Brittania?"

She turned around and motioned with her hand for him to come closer to her. Her small, fair hands came to cup his face, thumb gently stroking his cheek.

"I haven't seen this much color in you since Lelouch died." She wore a sad smile. "I think it's time you took a break. Everything about you in the past few days had begun to shine again, Suzaku. Your face, your eyes, your smile. I've missed those things." His eyes fell to the floor. "I want you to stay here for a few more weeks. I don't want you to wear Zero's suit. I just want you to be another nameless face in the crowd; no one here will recognize you if you just keep to yourself. Will you do that for me?"

"But who will protect you if I'm here?" he argued feebly.

"Schneizel and Cornelia alone are enough protection for me." She kissed his forehead. "Just do this for me. Please, Suzaku. Everything will be fine."

* * *

The next morning, he watched Nunnally and Schneizel's jet leave on the news in an expensive hotel room, in new, civilian clothing. An entire wardrobe of clothes that didn't symbolize anything, that a normal boy his age would wear. It was almost uncomfortable to think about wearing them in public.

Nunnally had been right. So far, no one had recognized him at all. Brittanian politics had almost no importance in Finland, and he hadn't been in the public eye beside Lelouch long enough to catch any attention in this country.

As he lay in bed that night, he wondered about what he would do with the month off Nunnally had given him. In truth, he actually wanted to skip the whole thing and just return to the palace. But he couldn't deny his Empress anything. She desperately thought he needed this time off, so he would take it.

A brief synopsis of Suvi Linninkavi's funeral flickered on the screen. He couldn't understand a word of the broadcast (it was all in Finnish), but he saw footage of Nunnally, Schneizel, and himself leaving the chapel and then a clip of the black and gold coffin descending into a grave. He wondered if Mika Karppainen had been at her burial, placed a rose on her casket or said his final goodbyes. Just like Suzaku himself had done at _so_ _many_ funerals. Like he had done at Lelouch's funeral.

He decided he would try and pay Mika a visit. He'd say he was an orphan Suvi had cared for years ago, from Japan, and regretted missing the funeral. He knew the idea was a bit forward and maybe even a tad creepy, but something in his heart pushed him to go with this plan. He had an entire month to waste. Why not make a new friend?

That night, when he went to sleep, Suzaku dreamt of Lelouch. He was sitting on a beach; all wrapped in blankets, and watching the tide come in and out. The wind blew his hair gently; the starlight caught on ebony strands and milky skin, making him appear fluorescent and ethereal. His eyes were closed as he listened to the crash of waves against sand. When they opened, the moon and stars were captured in his glowing violet orbs. Suzaku turned and sighed in his sleep, hands clenched in his pillowcase and mouth open slightly.

Lelouch was so close he could almost reach out and touch him.

* * *

A charity had agreed to come out and pick up all of Suvi's clothes and shoes. Things he had no use for and no reason to keep. They said they would be at the cottage early in the afternoon to take the suitcases Lelouch had filled with her dresses, blouses, and skirts. While he waited for them, he lounged in his favorite chair in the sitting room, the television turned to a cooking station he'd grown fond of. When Suvi had grown too weak to cook, he took over for her. Cooking quickly became a favorite hobby of his. He rifled through the three cookbooks she had along with a small card-box of recipes in the cupboard. He never grew tired of the compliments she gave him, even if she just couldn't eat more than a few bites of what he prepared.

He had a mug of warm tea that he had sweetened with a spoonful of honey and a bit of lemon juice. It was a bit chilly outside; the sky was a bit grey and the trees swayed violently in the wind. The weather forecast had promised him rain later that day. He supposed that would be good news for his little garden.

Thunder clapped outside, startling him a bit. A bit of honey-sweetened tea fell from the brim of the mug and onto the white upholstery of his chair. Cursing, he rose to find means of cleaning the stain. He returned with a wet towel that contained a spot of stain remover and began to vigorously rub at the spilled tea.

In order to wait for the stain remover to dry, Lelouch was forced to abandon his favorite chair for the small loveseat by the fireplace. The view of the television was restricted, but at least he was warm. The wind started to pick up and the tall grass in the meadow behind the cottage rippled underneath it.

A knock on the door woke him from a warmth-induced trance and he was forced to tear his eyes from the window. He looked at the clock. Hmm. They were a little early to pick up Suvi's clothes, but not terribly so. The suitcases stood by the door, waiting to be taken away. Lelouch put on a sweater. "I'll be there in a moment," he called to his visitor.

He hadn't heard a car or truck pull up in the small gravel driveway, but he didn't pay that any heed as he walked to the front door. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it. The door swung open.

"Good morning, Mr. Karppainen." A young man smiled cheerfully at him, a clipboard in his hand. "Do you have your donation for us?"

"Yes," he murmured, reaching for the suitcases. "Right here."

"Ah, thank you." Noticing that he was having trouble lifting them, the man took the suitcases himself and dragged them outside. "I just need you to sign here and write the date here."

Lelouch took the clipboard and wrote his fake signature on the designated line, and the date next to it. The charity worker grinned at him and said goodbye, taking the suitcases and throwing them in the back of his truck.

He shut the door and once again returned to watching television. His program had ended, so he turned to the news. There was another weather forecast, this one showing a heavy storm headed to Tampere. He sighed, not anticipating a stormy night by himself.

There was another knock at the door. With an exasperated sigh, he dramatically rose again and huffily began to make his way to the front door, expecting to see the same charity worker with another question for him. "I'm coming!" he said. For the second time in a very short few seconds, he turned the knob and the door swung open, but the charity worker was not the person he saw on the other side.

"Is this Mika Karpp—"

He could've sworn that his lungs shriveled up inside his ribcage, because no air was getting to them and he felt like he was suffocating. He couldn't move. He just stood there, frozen in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

On his front porch, expression just as bewildered as his own and hand clutching a small piece of paper, Suzaku Kururugi stared at him like he had seen a ghost. And behind Suzaku, it started to rain.

* * *

Ha! I bet you thought that first knock at the door would be Suzaku! I did too, but then I had an idea.

Plz review. Kthnx.


	6. During a Thunderstorm

I have some exciting news! I recently went to band camp (you can all just shut your fucking mouths) and took a jazz improvisation class, which I absolutely _loooooved_, and our #1 soloist in school recently graduated (he was absolutely amazing, probably best in the tri-state area) soooo, I suppose I'll just have be the soloist for my high school jazz band…

But anyway, you really don't care about that.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

They sat at the kitchen table, at different ends. Away from each other. Lelouch had warmed up the tea he had made a little earlier and poured Suzaku a mug. His own tea sat on the coffee table in the sitting room, cold and forgotten. Now, a scotch glass filled one-fourth of the way full with vodka glistened in his hand.

It was silent. Save for the pattering of rain on the roof and the ticking of the small kitchen clock. Suzaku stared into his tea, mouth set in a grim line. He hadn't taken two sips of his drink. For years, he had dreamed of seeing Lelouch again. Only dreamed. Now that he had found him, he was too dumbstruck to even move.

"Would you like me to tell you?"

Across the table, violet eyes glimmered at him. His breath caught in his throat. He felt like crying.

"Tell me what?"

"Why I'm not dead, Suzaku."

The cold tone in his words stung. Suzaku flinched slightly. Of course, that would be the most obvious answer.

"CC gave her code to me before the Zero Requiem."

"I guessed that." He looked around. "Is she—"

"She's dead."

He was startled. "Dead? But, how..?"

"After we left Brittania, a few days after my death, we traveled all over Europe. We went to Germany, France, Poland, Holland, Prague, Lithuania, anywhere we found a travel brochure for. We were in Sweden for almost one week, and CC said she wanted to go to a boutique she had seen. She told me she would be back before sunset and to have dinner waiting for her. She took the bus." He swirled the clear liquid in his glass. "The driver had a spontaneous seizure and the bus wrapped itself around a streetlamp. She had head trauma, her brain started to swell, and her organs started to shut down. She died in the hospital."

Suzaku swallowed. He felt like he should put his hand over Lelouch's, but didn't know if that was a good idea. So he instead decided to take a sip of his lukewarm tea. "Lelouch, I'm so sorry."

He smiled half-heartedly. "It's okay. She got her wish, didn't she?" He took a swallow of vodka, grimacing as it went down his throat. "Anyways, I left Sweden and came here with what money we had left. After that, I only had enough to stay in a hotel for a couple of weeks so I started to look for a job. I took night classes to learn Finnish and forged papers and passports with a new identity. Suvi had placed an ad in the newspaper, looking for a live-in aide. I remembered her from when I was a child; mother had always loved her music. She interviewed me and called me a few days later to tell me that the job was mine."

"How long did you stay with her?"

"I moved in about two and a half years ago. She recognized me. Not as the Demon King, though. She remembered me from a concert mother and I attended from when I was a child."

Suzaku's brow furrowed. "And she let you stay?"

"She honestly didn't care about what I had done. I told her everything. She just listened to everything I said, took my hand, and told me that everything was all right. That you and Nunnally were safe." He sighed. "She was an extraordinary woman, Suzaku. You would have liked her."

Suzaku could feel himself falling in love with Lelouch all over again. Everything about him was just as mesmerizing as it had been three years ago. He wanted to fold his arms over his spindly form, rest his nose in his soft black hair and just _cry_ to him and say how happy he was that he had found him. As he sat in a kitchen chair, face turned to the tabletop and hair hanging over his eyes, he started to shake, and he didn't know why.

"Will you come back to Brittania with me?"

Lelouch gazed at him over his glass of vodka. He sighed heavily, a hand rising to cover his eyes. "God, I was hoping you wouldn't ask something like that."

"What do expect me to say, Lelouch?" Suzaku's voice rose a bit. "I thought you were _dead_. You were the only friend I had. I loved you. I still love you!"

"I can't just go with you to the palace and tell everyone 'Oh, hey, I was just kidding! I never really died! It was just all a big clever fucking _joke_ for world peace that Zero here and I concocted! Sure fooled you, didn't I?'"

"You could at least tell Nunnally to her face that you're still alive! She misses you, Lelouch! She still cries over you! _I_ still cry over you!"

"That's why I didn't mean for you to find me again! That's why I fled the country, changed my identity, learned a new language! I didn't want to explain myself to you; I _wanted_ you to think I was dead!"

Suzaku stood up violently, his chair moving the table and causing his tea mug to spill. Brown water pooled all over the white surface and began to drip to the floor. He grabbed his coat.

"Suzaku, wait!—"

Angrily, he stormed to the door and threw it open. Rain came down in buckets around his head. His hair was soaked and starting to stick to his neck. The conversation had left him entirely numb. Soul-less.

"Suzaku!" Lelouch stood inside the door of the cottage, eyes wide and voice trembling. "Come back inside! Please! It's pouring, you can't walk all the way back to the city!"

"You let me believe, for three years, that I had killed you. That you died that day I drove a sword through your chest." Lelouch cringed at every word. "I _hate_ myself, Lelouch. I wanted to die. For _three years_, I thought I had killed my best friend and the one person I loved more than anyone else in the world—"

"THAT WAS WHAT YOU WANTED, WASN'T IT?"

Lelouch's head was raised and his voice was shrill. His eyes burned into Suzaku. "You wanted to suffer! You _wanted_ to be punished! You wanted to kill me!" His arms started to shake, hands curled into fists. "Don't feed me this bullshit about how much you've missed me or how cruel of me it was to let Nunnally think her brother was dead! You _wanted_ to be lonely!"

Suzaku could only stare as Lelouch yelled. He hadn't realized it until that moment, but there was truth in Lelouch's words. He had wished to suffer nearly his entire life. It was startlingly twisted. He had wanted atonement for his sins, and Lelouch had only tried his best to give it to him.

He took a careful step back toward the door. Lelouch took one in the opposite direction. Suzaku held a hand out to him, and realized that there were tear-tracks on Lelouch's face.

"I thought I wanted to live without you," he murmured, a hand rising to comb through silky hair. Lelouch sighed shakily, leaning into the touch. "I was so wrong."

A soft sob bubbled from Lelouch's lips. He opened his arms and pulled Suzaku so close that he could feel both of their heartbeats against his ribs. He didn't care that Suzaku was soaking wet or that his sweater was getting damp. He just wanted to relive the way Suzaku smelled like spring water and peppery spices. He pressed his face into a tan neck, inhaling his favorite scent until he thought he was intoxicated.

Suzaku's breathing grew shuddery as spindly, familiar arms surrounded him. The side of his face rested against feathery black hair. "I've missed you," he murmured. The arms around him tightened. He squeezed Lelouch to him. He could smell juniper and raspberries, and years of memories fell over him like a tidal wave. "God, I've missed you."

He couldn't remember how many times he had dreamed of moments like this. Lelouch in his arms, warm and breathing. He pulled him from his neck and kissed him desperately. He wanted to savor every second Lelouch's lips touched his. They both moved against the other's mouth, falling back into a treasured, sacred dance. Lelouch's hands tangled themselves into Suzaku's wet curls, pulling him closer. The taste of him came back in waves. Like the way wine would taste if grapevines grew from clouds. He could feel tears well up behind his closed eyelids; his half-healed heart was swelling in his chest.

Lelouch finally pulled away, panting and tearing up as he gazed at Suzaku. "M-my room," he whispered, tugging on his arm. Suzaku reluctantly pulled away, allowing Lelouch to lead him down a hallway and into a bedroom that smelled like roses and summer herbs. He sighed as he gently lowered Lelouch onto the mattress, which was a bit too big for just one person.

Pale fingers pulled at the buttons of his drowned shirt, pushing it back over his shoulders and to the floor. Lelouch's sweater went next, joining Suzaku's on the hardwood floorboards. His back arched the slightest bit when warm hands caressed his shoulder blades. Those hands moved to unbutton and unzip his pants, and he grew more aware of how heavily he was breathing. He could feel them slide down the length of his legs before resting at his ankles, where he kicked them off of the edge of the bed.

When he moved to make quick work of Suzaku's trousers, calloused fingers gently took his wrists and held them away from his body. Suzaku's green eyes swept over every inch of his skin. They caught the ugly scar on his midsection and lingered there. Lovingly, Suzaku lowered his head to place a soft, chaste kiss against the damaged skin. When his eyes met Lelouch's again, they were filled with longing and regret. He gave a sad smile. "As beautiful as I remember," he murmured.

Lelouch lifted his head to meet Suzaku's, fingers reaching up to brush against his jaw. He was pressed deeper into the mattress as Suzaku moved to rest on top of him. It sent a shudder through his entire body. Again, his hands went towards the button on Suzaku's pants. He wasn't intervened this time; emerald eyes simply gazed into violet ones as the last article of clothing either of them wore was shed.

Lelouch's eyes fluttered to a close when Suzaku's skin finally met his. There was no space between them; still, Lelouch's body arched into Suzaku's in search of more contact. His breath had hitched considerably in the last few minutes. Suzaku gave a small groan at every movement he made.

They made love the way they would have done three years ago. Lelouch clung to Suzaku, legs locked around his hips and fingers embedded in strong shoulder blades. His pants quickly turned into breathy moans as Suzaku awoke something deep inside of him he'd forgot even existed. Suzaku's lips attached to Lelouch's jaw, dusting it with light kisses. His right hand remembered a spot near the small of Lelouch's back that earned him an audible gasp and a violent shiver.

From that point, things began to speed up. The tempo of their love-making increased and started to turn furious. Lelouch's head began to spin, his senses swimming. He was convinced he was growing drunk on Suzaku; the smell of his skin, the sound of his breath, each thrust of his hips. When Suzaku's lips found his, he almost lost his mind. Suzaku was lost in Lelouch, buried somewhere away from the rest of the world. He gently bit down on a sensitive earlobe in a futile attempt to anchor himself to reality. That only caused Lelouch's hips to lift higher off of the bed, pulling him in deeper.

Lelouch was so far gone; he kept telling himself that this next thrust would be the one to end him, to stop his heart, to send his mind into oblivion for good. "S-suza… ku, I—I can't—"

Lips ghosted over his temple. Lelouch whimpered as Suzaku ceased moving for what seemed like an eternity, before he suddenly threw his hips into him. Lelouch's body trembled and quaked when he finally reached his breaking point. He cried out into the air, the sound bouncing through the house as he jerked against Suzaku. Warmth blossomed in his stomach and coursed through his veins and arteries with each spasm of his muscles.

When he felt Lelouch shudder all around him, Suzaku relinquished his self-control, burying himself as deeply as he could one more time. With an utter of Lelouch's name, he let go. The tension inside of his abdomen snapped like a rubber band and he thrust shallowly into Lelouch as each wave of completion hit him.

The two of them collapsed into one another and lie there for several minutes. Lelouch drank in deep gulps of air, trying to steady his painfully erratic heartbeat. Suzaku snuggled his face into a delicate collarbone and separated them, tearing a small gasp from Lelouch. Moving to lay beside him, Suzaku pulled the other to his chest. Lelouch turned to face him, and he kissed him, slowly and meaningfully.

"I love you," he whispered, and Suzaku traced his lips with two of his fingers. Lelouch kissed the digits, eyes drowsily alight and mouth curved into a soft smile.

"I love you too."

Suzaku returned his smile. Pulling the blanket over them, he felt Lelouch nestle into his neck and fall asleep almost instantly. Suzaku's fingers traced lazy circles into his shoulder.

The sound of the rain pounding on the roof and thunder racing through the clouds was completely forgotten to him as he drifted to sleep the way he had longed to for three years: completely wrapped around a gently breathing Lelouch.

* * *

I wanted to shit this one out relatively quickly because I feel so sorry for the half-assed piece of rubbish the last chapter was : /

I SO SORRY.


	7. Mona Lisa

If you guys don't review I'll tear to you to pieces.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

Suzaku woke up alone the next morning. He realized he was by himself when he returned to consciousness with no familiar skinny body in his arms. Part of him panicked. He began to wonder if Lelouch had gotten cold feet and just left. His heart twisted in his chest. Or maybe it had just been another dream. Another cruel, wonderful dream.

He began to smell something. It was a warm, sweet smell that wafted throughout the little cottage. Somehow, it was oddly familiar. Pulling the blankets away, he stepped out of bed and put his pants on. They had been neatly folded and placed on top of the bureau, along with the rest of his clothing.

Once in the hallway, the smell grew stronger. Suzaku could see Lelouch bent over the stove, a spatula in his hand. The sight of him made a bleary smile spread on his lips and he stood there to take in the sight. The curtains on the windows had been pulled away to let golden morning sunlight fall through the glass. It landed on the wood of the dining room table in square boxes. Lelouch's hair caught the light as it hung over his eyes in the smallest way. He was dressed in a grey pair of sleeping pants and a tight black tee shirt, and it looked as if he had made a pot of coffee.

Suzaku couldn't help sneaking up behind him and slowly wrapping his arms around Lelouch's trim middle. The other jumped slightly before realizing who was attached to him. "What's that you're making?" Suzaku placed a kiss to Lelouch's clothed shoulder.

"Pancakes," was Lelouch's answer. He gestured towards the griddle, then to a small bowl of tiny, ruby red berries, some of which had been put in the big, yellow bowl of batter. "Lingonberry pancakes."

"Lingonberries?"

Lelouch nodded. "They're like cranberries, only a lot sweeter and tenderer." He tried to pry Suzaku's limbs off of him, but his stubborn partner simply wrapped his hands around his wrists and watched in amusement as Lelouch flailed his arms. Eventually, violet eyes just narrowed playfully at him, and he turned around, chest touching Suzaku's. "Go sit down. They're almost ready."

The table had already been set, with a small container of syrup, a pitcher of grapefruit juice, and all the necessary breakfast dishes and cutlery. Lelouch brought over a plate of the pancakes, as well as a silver dish of what looked like thick yogurt. After using a fork to haul two of the relatively small pancakes on his plate, Suzaku carefully poured syrup on them and began to cut his food. Lelouch spooned some of the yogurt concoction on his one lonely pancake, sprinkling a few small red berries on his breakfast.

The ingonberries _were_ sweet. They almost tasted like incredibly ripe strawberries. The seeds were small, and Suzaku hardly noticed them in each bite. It was quiet while they ate, but it wasn't an awkward quiet. Suzaku smiled to himself. He was just enjoying being in Lelouch's company again. He secretly watched him lick the creamy yogurt off of his spoon, blow steam out of his coffee mug, pop one of the berries in his mouth. He felt like Lelouch knew he was watching, but he didn't seem to mind. He could imagine he was inwardly basking in the attention. That's just how Lelouch was. He liked being admired from afar.

"Are you staying in a hotel?"

Suzaku speared a berry of his plate with his fork and caught it between his teeth. "Yeah. Close to the edge of the city. All my stuff's there," he remembered, face falling slightly.

"I can wash your clothes for you if you'd like."

"What will I wear until they're done?"

A fox's smile found its way to Lelouch's lips. "It's not like anyone's going to see you, Suzaku. You can borrow one of my robes if you're _that_ modest." A pair of amethysts gazed at him over the rim of his coffee cup.

Suzaku smirked back at him, tapping his fork against his plate. "No thank you. I'd rather go nude."

Lelouch's eyes widened and he snickered, setting his mug on the table. He started gathering his spoon, fork, glass, and other tableware onto his plate. "Hand me yours," he said to Suzaku. "I'll put it in the sink for you."

He watched as Lelouch walked from the table to the kitchen. He could see him through the little shuttered window in the wall that separated the kitchen from the dining area. The dining room opened into a small sitting room. The whole house was rustically decorated. The curtains were all trimmed with lace and the floors were either oak hardwood or plush carpet. It was rather cute; a perfect little seaside cottage. For all of Suvi's success and the money she must have pulled in, she certainly hadn't asked for much.

Lelouch returned from the dishes and leaned against the doorframe, gazing absentmindedly at Suzaku, pondering something. "I was thinking about taking a shower. Do you mind waiting?" There was a sudden clever narrowing in his eyes and devious upward curve to his mouth. He clasped his hands behind his back, body arching slightly against the wooden doorframe. "Or, would you rather join me?"

Suzaku bit his lip. He watched Lelouch saunter past the table, eyes glancing at him beneath his lashes. He disappeared into the hallway, where the bathroom probably was, and Suzaku tentatively stood up to follow him.

* * *

A laugh broke from Lelouch's rosy lips as Suzaku's nose nuzzled his throat. He couldn't help himself; it tickled his skin. The other's arms held his sides, fingers gently stroking his ribs, not enough to over-stimulate his nerves but just enough to send a fluttery feeling to the pit of his stomach that made his abdominal muscles shudder. His hands rested on Suzaku's face while he buried his face into Lelouch's chest. A contented sound came from him as his eyes gently closed against ivory skin.

Lelouch only gazed at him. He didn't mind that his hair was wet, that it was probably soaking into the pillowcase underneath, that they were both completely naked, or that he was back in bed in the early afternoon. He forgot all of it as Suzaku's body moved upwards so that he could place a kiss on Lelouch's mouth. He was perfectly happy to settle back into his sheets with him even though the sun shone through the curtains and birds chirped and sang outside his window. He didn't realize it, but there was a dreamy smile on his lips as he found Suzaku's brilliant, incredibly green eyes. He may not have noticed it, but Suzaku did.

"You know what you remind me of?" he asked Lelouch, a thumb stroking the swell of his cheek. Lelouch's head tilted adorably.

"What's that?"

"That song," he answered. "_Mona Lisa_. When you smile, you make me think of it."

Lelouch's lips parted to reveal perfectly shaped pearls of white teeth. "You're not going to sing, are you?"

"_Do you smile to tempt a lover, Mona Lisa_?" Suzaku murmured. "_Or is this your way to hide a broken heart?_"

Lelouch rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress a giggle. It wasn't everyday he was serenaded.

"_Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep. They just lie there, and they die there._"

He kissed Lelouch's collarbone, resting his cheek against the soft, pale skin there. He could hear his heartbeat, strong and lulling against his ear. For a while they simply looked at each other. A breezed rolled through the open windows, animating the lace curtains and bringing with it the smell of the ocean and the blooms in Lelouch's unruly garden. Lelouch brought one of Suzaku's hands to his face, kissing one of the knuckles.

"I want you to check out of your hotel," he murmured, and kissed the next knuckle, "Put all your stuff into a cab," another kiss, "And come stay here, with me." With his last words, he dragged his lips down Suzaku's palm, lingering on the calloused skin. Suzaku moved his hand to cup Lelouch's chin, brushing his lips against his. That served as an answer.

"_Are you warm, are you real,_" he murmured against Lelouch's mouth. "_Mona_ _Lisa_?" Lelouch sighed happily, eyelids falling over violet orbs. "_Or just a cold and_ _lonely_…" Suzaku took his hand in his, interlocking their fingers. "_Lovely_…" He gazed at Lelouch's beautiful face, admiring his painted smile. "_Work of art_?"

* * *

YOU GUYS WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I WAS LISTENING TO WHEN I WROTE THIS!

FUCK YEAH CAPS LOCK REVIEW PLEASE


	8. Unfair

I just recently watched a few episodes of the Axis Powers Hetalia anime.

You guys, what the fuck did I watch?

I've never read any of the comics or manga or whatever. It wasn't a bad anime, I actually enjoyed it, but there was just some shit in there that I didn't know how to handle. Say, for instance, Prussia playing piano in the middle of the ocean, while his comrades are camping on the beach without supplies or help. And what is up with that ending song?

Ack, whatever.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

The sun beat down on Suzaku's neck, but he didn't think it was all that hot. Sure, he was sweating, but he was also working. Lelouch had told him about his hopeless garden, overrun with weeds and wildflowers. He had since taken it upon himself to correct the small flowerbed when he had time to himself. Lelouch had given him some small packets of flower seeds he wanted planted, if he couldn't save the long neglected plants already there.

Lelouch was inside, making something they could eat for dinner. From the pots and different kitchenware he had seen him pulling out of the cupboards, they were having some kind of soup, with sliced bread and butter. He didn't know when Lelouch had become such a wonderful cook, but he greatly enjoyed the gourmet meals he was fed everyday. He didn't think he would have eaten better if he had stayed in his hotel. He smiled to himself as he watched Lelouch from the window; he was bent over the cutting board, a towel thrown over his shoulder, chopping vegetables. He was almost like a little wife. Suzaku immediately scolded himself for thinking that. Lelouch would absolutely throw a fit and skin him alive if he ever heard words like that coming out of Suzaku's mouth.

His adopted garden was starting to shape up. He had gotten most of the weeds out by cutting them at the roots with a spade and a hoe. It had taken him _days_. Lelouch really had meant it when he told him he had "neglected" the flowers. They were still alive, but they had grown absolutely everywhere and Suzaku would have to prune them if he wanted the flowerbed to have any sense of order. He couldn't even name some of blooms he found, and he would have to ask Lelouch about which ones he wanted to keep and which ones he wanted dug up.

He stopped his work for a break and sat on the steps of the front porch, taking a long drink from a glass of water. He had been out there for nearly an hour and a half, breaking up the soil under his plants. The sun was beginning to set against blood red and flamingo pink clouds. It was beautiful. He was so engrossed with the sight before him that he didn't hear the door open from behind him.

"Dinner's ready," Lelouch said softly. Suzaku turned to face him and smiled, beckoning him over. He took Lelouch's hand as he sat close to him, eyes cast to the sky above.

"I haven't enjoyed a sunset like this in a long time." Emerald eyes gently softened, and Lelouch's head came to rest on his shoulder.

"Neither have I."

They both sat for a while, faces lit with a bleeding twilight glow. It was peaceful. The sun had turned the ocean a dazzling orange color and the waves created a calming lull to their ears. The wildflowers in the meadow swayed in the cool evening breeze, which toussled their hair about their faces. The scene was so tranquil, Suzaku nearly forgot who he was.

"Come on," Lelouch murmured in his ear. "We should eat before it gets cold."

With that, he stood and walked back to the door. Suzaku rose to follow him and went inside, but not before turning to steal one more glance of the sunset behind him. The table had been set and the soup put in two bowls. A platter of rye bread slices and a dish of butter sat in the middle, along with something that made Suzaku's smile widen.

"Cono Sur Gewürztraminer 1999," he said, eyes reading the label on the bottle. Lelouch nodded, handing him a corkscrew and conjuring two wineglasses. Suzaku set to work on the cork, digging in the corkscrew and pulling it out with a satisfying 'pop'. He filled Lelouch's glass, watching as the tear-colored liquor splashed against the walls of the crystal. He hadn't ever had any real experience with white wine, but he knew he liked it and might even have preferred it over red wine.

"I bought it in town for tonight." Lelouch held his glass still and waited for Suzaku to pour his own. When the bottle was put back on the table, he gazed lazily at him and daintily lifted his glass. "To your health," he murmured. Suzaku reached up to gently touch it with his own, and a small 'clink' floated through the house.

"To your health," he mimicked, eyes flashing to Lelouch amusedly. Lelouch simply looked at him through playfully slitted lids and sipped from his glass, relishing the airy taste on his tongue. Suzaku followed his example, took a small sip, and placed his wine back on the table. He looked into his bowl, delighted at the beautiful sight before him. "And what are we having tonight?" he asked.

"Kesäkeitto," Lelouch told him, folding his napkin over his lap. "It's a summer vegetable soup. Suvi used to like it."

He nodded, taking his spoon in his fingers and delving into his dinner. It was delicious. Quite true to the name, it tasted like sunshine in a bowl. He enjoyed every spoonful. The wine brought out the different savory flavors of each vegetable, making the meal even more wonderful.

He helped Lelouch with the dishes after they ate. It was a bit difficult, because Suzaku kept putting suds in Lelouch's immaculately perfect hair. Lelouch retaliated by squirting dish soap all over Suzaku's shirt, and it took them nearly half an hour to get the dishes clean, dry, and put away.

They migrated to the living room, with the bottle of wine and two crystal glasses, and settled on the rug in front of the fireplace with a quilt and a roaring fire. They sat together, murmuring sweet nothings and delivering soft caresses. Soon, the bottle was empty, and things were less innocent than just cuddling in front of the fire. Underneath the blanket, Lelouch trembled beneath Suzaku. His shirt and pants were somewhere on the sofa. Suzaku, however, only had his shirt unbuttoned and his jeans undone. Lelouch meant to change that. He yanked the shirt from Suzaku's shoulders, grinning at the small noise of surprise he was given.

Suzaku's hands stroked the soft skin on his arms, eyes traveling over him. "God, you're beautiful," he murmured, lips moving against his forehead. Lelouch sighed and dug his nails into Suzaku's back a little bit. He received a groan and twisted his hips upwards. The sensation sent a jolt of electricity through his nerves. Suzaku's face was buried in his neck and his breathing was labored. His heart felt weighted down from thoughts that had been haunting him all day, but he just wanted to focus on the tan body on top of him and the emerald eyes gazing at him. He bent his leg at the knee and, hooking his toe into the belt loop of his jeans, gently pulled them down and off of Suzaku's legs.

"Suzaku," he whispered desperately. "I need you." He ran his nails against the other's skin for emphasis. "Please."

Suzaku gave him a puzzled look. Lelouch was usually never this hasty. They would drag out their love-making and savor every moment. But he couldn't deny the pleading note in his voice. Lelouch let out a long, drawn out moan and he was inside of him. They were so close to each other, and things were getting so hot. He moved against Lelouch slowly, but the nails in his back gripped him tighter and he begged him to go faster. Suzaku tried to comply with his pleads, but he was so afraid of hurting him. When Lelouch finally let go and cried out, Suzaku followed him. There was sweat on his brow and his hand was clutching Lelouch's hip hard enough to leave a bruise. He let him go and climbed off to lie next to him, arm going around his waist.

Lelouch's eyes were glazed over, and he looked far away. Suzaku bit his lip and nuzzled his cheek affectionately. "Lelouch, are you all right?" he asked, concern embedded in his voice. Something had to be bothering him.

Lelouch turned and curled himself into Suzaku's muscled chest. He put his ear to his heart and listened to it's beating, looking for something to comfort him. Suzaku ran his fingers through his damp black hair. "You can't stay here forever, Suzaku."

Suzaku flinched. He held Lelouch to him more tightly, resting his cheek against his hair. "I know. That's why I asked you to come back with me."

"I can't go back with you. You _know_ that." Lelouch turned to look at him, tears in his violet eyes. "I can_not_ go back to Britannia."

"It's not like they can execute you, Lelouch—"

"Yes, they can," he muttered in a quiet voice. Suzaku looked at him strangely.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "You said CC gave you her code."

"She took it back. She didn't think I could handle eternity, so she made me give it back."

"But you told me she died!"

"She did. I kept expecting her to get back up from her hospital bed, but she never woke up." He started to shake. "I don't know what she did with the code, but neither of us have it. So yes, if I went back to Britannia, they could very well execute me for good."

Suzaku sighed. He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell, he wanted to hit someone, he wanted to throw a tantrum like a child who wasn't getting his way. He wanted Lelouch to stay with him. He didn't ever want to leave his side. They could live in this house for the rest of their lives, tending to the garden, spending afternoons at the beach, drinking wine by the fire.

"It isn't fair," he said, voice trembling. "I just found you…"

"It's not fair, is it?" Lelouch's arms squeezed him lovingly. "None of this is fair."

The fire slowly died as they lay in front of it. Underneath the blanket, both of them held each other, and they cried. Some cruel god, or maybe it was uncaring fate, had thrown them together again with the intention of ripping them apart once more, far too soon for them to begin to heal from the first time.

* * *

OH, HOW SAD.

Reviews, please and thank you.


	9. Weddings in Santolini

Oh, goodness, it's been a while since I've written anything. Well, you see, I just recently got a new kitten. He's a thirteen-week-old Bengal kitten with marble markings :3 He's been taking up most of my time, and school just started recently, so I've had to deal with THAT. Algebra homework isn't all that fun, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Anyways, here's your new chapter.

**Summary**: And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

It was the morning after their little confrontation. Lelouch had woken up alone, curled up on the carpet by the fireplace and wrapped in a quilt. He had a headache; not a bad one, but it was the first thing he noticed when he stood. The second was that he had no clothes on, so he wrapped the quilt around himself and went to the bathroom to shower. Suzaku was nowhere to be found, but the shower walls were wet and the mirror was still fogged up so he assumed he was outside in the garden.

His muscles were sore, and he had bruises on his hips. He noticed them as the hot water fell over his skin. He tried to ignore them and began to wash his hair. In his haste, he hadn't been paying attention to which bottle he was grabbing and accidentally chose an old bottle of Suvi's favorite shampoo. Lelouch noticed the familiar scent of mint and roses after the suds were already formed in his hair, and he had to let out a deep breath to refrain from tears. He could remember sitting next to her at the breakfast table, after she had showered and the smell of her shampoo lingered in the air. She would always smile and her eyes would glitter in the morning sunlight while she nibbled on her toast.

He got out and tied a towel around his torso, moving in front of the sink to brush and floss his teeth. In the drawer, he saw a pair of her spare glasses. Out of frustration, he slammed the drawer shut and stormed out of the bathroom. He had apparently missed a few things when packing away any trace of Suvi he could find. It didn't help that television stations were still broadcasting footage of her funeral or programs about her life. He couldn't even watch his cooking show without seeing a commercial for a collection of her life's work.

Lelouch pulled on a white knitted sweater and some black pants, as well as some thick socks. It was starting to turn cooler outside and the hardwood floors were fairly cold. The window in his room needed to be fixed as well. There was a leak somewhere in it, and the cool air was starting to creep inside. He had considered moving into Suvi's room, but he'd quickly shot down that idea after remembering the nights he spent at her bedside, simply not wanting to be alone.

Some strange thought crossed him, and before he could change his mind he found himself standing in the doorway of Suvi's room. He walked inside, footsteps creaking softly against the wooden floorboards. The room still smelled like her, even though all of her things were gone and all that remained was bare furniture and a bed sporting a quilt that wasn't hers. Lelouch had planned to use this room as a guest room until he could muster up the courage to move in himself. It was larger than his, with its own bathroom. But there was no way he could sleep in here if it still smelled like Suvi. So until then, he would stay in the room with the drafty window.

He walked to the other side of the room and made to sit on the bed, but the floorboard his foot made contact with sent out a loud, creaking groan. He stopped and stepped on it again, receiving the same sound. It gave slightly under his weight, which piqued his interest. He fell to his knees and ran his hands over the floorboard. It moved loosely in the slot where it fit with the other boards. Using his fingernails, Lelouch pried the loose board up out of the floor and set the dusty thing to the side.

Underneath it was a large jar, full of what looked to be seeds. Flower seeds. A piece of masking tape had been slapped on the surface of the jar, and the word _bougainvilleas_ had been written in black marker. He gently lifted it from the compartment and set it on the floor next to him. Beneath that was a box. It was a shoebox, made of cardboard that advertised some brand of women's shoes. His curiosity getting the better of him, Lelouch pulled it out and blew the dust from the lid. Inside were envelopes. There had to be at least thirty of them. He picked one up and read the front. It was addressed to Suvi, from a Kiyoshi Nejikawa.

He felt awful. Like he was invading Suvi's privacy. But he supposed it didn't matter now. He opened one of the heavier envelopes and spilled its contents on the bed. A small stack of photographs fell on the blanket, as well as a letter covered in handwriting. Lelouch picked up the pictures and sifted through them. Most of them were of Suvi; she was young, maybe a few years older than he himself was, and she was stunningly pretty. In one, she was wearing a colorful swimsuit on a beautiful beach. In another, she was sitting at a table, holding a pair of chopsticks over a bowl. Another had caught her in a wetsuit, pulling a pair of oxygen canisters on to her back.

In a few of the pictures, there was a man with her. He was a handsome Japanese man, with pale skin, smartly styled black hair, and dark, almost coal-colored eyes that flashed behind a pair of glasses. He was tall, and in one of the pictures he had his arm around Suvi. They both wore matching grins and biking shorts; he had his helmet on and Suvi had hers under her arm. There were other pictures: Suvi in summer clothes sitting on the side of a sailboat, the man atop a chestnut colored horse, the both of them walking along a beach against a bright, red sunset.

Once he was sure he had seen all the pictures, he moved on to the letter. He skimmed over the first few lines.

_Suvi,_

_ I got the pictures from Phuket developed. They're enclosed with this letter. I hope you like them. Any ideas as to where we should go next? I was thinking maybe we could fly to Moscow. But you said you wanted to look at a trip to Egypt. I'll leave it up to you._

_ Mother wants to know when you plant to visit Japan next. Perhaps your mother and Toivo can come along?_

He remembered the name Toivo. Suvi had had two brothers. Toivo, her older brother, was five years older than she was. Lauri, her younger brother, was three years younger than she was. He had died of pneumonia when he was five and Suvi was eight. Toivo had been killed in a hostage situation in Area 9, which was now known as Germany again. A group of German terrorists had held a class of college students and their professor hostage. Toivo had been the professor. He was thirty-eight.

The rest of the letter was just an update on Kiyoshi Nejikawa's side of the world, which happened to be Tokyo, Japan. The letter was dated 2005, so this was before Lelouch had been sent to Japan and before it had been invaded for its Sakuradite resources. Kiyoshi worked in the production and sales of Sakuradite, as was explained by a few excerpts from his letter. By the looks of it, he made quite a bit of money. His father had been the CEO of the company, known as Nejikawa Industries. It seemed that he lived quite comfortably.

The next letter he picked up contained pictures as well. Pictures of Suvi in a cobalt-colored evening gown, with a white lily entwined in the bun her hair had been twisted into. It looked like she was in a restaurant, seated at a chair with a plate of some kind of pasta on the table in front of her. There were mascara tracks down her cheeks, but she was smiling brightly, looking down at her hand. On her finger was a bright gold ring with an impressive diamond sitting in the middle of it. In another picture, Kiyoshi Nejikawa kissed her cheek sweetly, and her eyes were closed but the smile was still there. Lelouch swallowed thickly. In the letter, Kiyoshi said that he promised Suvi a summer wedding in Santolini, on the beach at sunset, with all their family. She would walk down the aisle barefoot, toes in the sand, and they'd live happily ever after.

The next letter started to delve into a forming tension between Britannia and Japan. Kiyoshi said they were becoming more demanding in their Sakuradite supply, even sending a few veiled threats. He said it would probably be best if they put off the wedding until the connections with Britannia smoothed out. Kiyoshi's father would need all the help he could get with work.

In the next letter Lelouch read, relations between Britannia and Japan had nearly grown hostile. Kiyoshi suggested that they change their wedding plans and get married in Tokyo instead of Santolini the following year. He said he knew Suvi had wanted to get married on a beach, but he didn't think it would be save for him to travel very far, and he couldn't wait long enough for them to be married.

It almost pained him to read the next letter. Kiyoshi told Suvi that they might have to cancel the wedding altogether until he could safely leave the country. He said that he didn't want Suvi to come to Japan until Britannia's influence had lessened. Britannian Sakuradite buyers had threatened his father to sell the company, but the man refused. He said he would leave Japan and take his mother with him, and they would go to Suvi and her family in Finland. His father was a stubborn man and refused to leave his company to Britannian dogs. He said that he promised to marry her the day he landed in Tampere. The letter had been dated 2008. Suvi had been thirty. It had been three years since they'd started planning the wedding.

The next letter wasn't from Kiyoshi. It was from a Nejikawa Industries employee. It said that Kiyoshi Nejikawa and his father, Satoshi Nejikawa, had been killed in their homes the night prior. Lelouch didn't need to read any further to know that the killer was probably Britannian, and after the Nejikawa Sakuradite distribution empire. He could just imagine Suvi sitting in her home, clutching the letter in her hand and crying. He could see the heartbreak in her eyes and the tearstains on the paper.

He couldn't read anymore of the letters. Beneath them, in the box, was a pair of wedding rings. One was the ring Suvi had been wearing in the picture, and the other was a gold band with little veins of white gold laced in. He removed them from their dusty resting place and placed them on the bedside table. Curling into his sweater, he rested his head against a pillow and stared into space. Soon, tears began to gather in his eyes and fall, one by one.

Britannia had snatched away Suvi's chance at happiness. She was supposed to get married, have children of her own, and eventually have grandchildren. She wasn't supposed to die at the age of forty-three, unmarried and childless, living with the former ruler and tyrant of the world, measuring how she would function during each day by the number of pills she took that morning. She wasn't supposed to be in pain every day. But she had been.

He didn't realize how loud his weeping had become. The more he thought about it, the more hysterical he became. Why didn't she ever say anything? She was dying, for god's sake. Not long after he'd buried his face in her pillow, footsteps raced down the hallway. Suzaku rushed into Suvi's room and found Lelouch balled up in the middle of the bed, letters strewn about him and face shining with tears. His eyes softened. He went to him and pulled him into a sitting position, pulling Lelouch into his arms and resting his head on his shoulder.

"Shhh," he murmured. "It'll be okay."

"She was supposed to get married, Suzaku!" Lelouch drew in a shuddery breath. "Suvi was supposed to get married. She was supposed to have a wedding on the beach, walk barefoot in the sand; she was supposed to have _children_." He wiped his eye on the sleeve of his sweater. "Her fiancé was Japanese. His family business was in Sakuradite; he was killed by Britannian rivals. They killed him!"

"It's all right now, Lulu." Suzaku kissed his forehead. "They're together now. She's with him, and she's going to live happily ever after. Just like she was supposed to."

Lelouch continued to sob into Suzaku's shoulder. Suzaku's eyes traveled around Suvi's room. He noticed the pair of rings on the bedside table. "Are those…?"

"Huh?" Lelouch looked up, eyes wet. His followed Suzaku's gaze. "Um, those were supposed to be their wedding rings. I found them." He picked up the shoebox and showed him the jar of flower seeds. "Everything was under the floorboard."

Suzaku leaned over the edge of the bed to see. "Maybe… maybe she was trying to forget about it. She might not have wanted to spend her last few days thinking about sad things like that."

"Maybe."

Suzaku took the rings from the bedside table. Gently, he took Lelouch's hand in his and slid the diamond ring on his ring finger. Lelouch couldn't say anything. He only watched as Suzaku took his other hand, put the gold band in his fingers, and guided over his own ring finger.

"There," he said. "Suvi wanted these rings on the fingers of two people who loved each other from their very bones. I think it's a good way to honor her memory."

Lelouch didn't reply. He only examined the diamond on his ring finger, tilting his hand to see it in different light. Suzaku placed a hand on his face and tilted it up. When he kissed him, Lelouch could taste his soul on his lips. He melted into Suzaku, leaning towards his touch until he was nearly in his lap. When they separated, he buried his face in Suzaku's neck and just breathed. If he didn't time his breaths, he didn't think he'd remember to breathe at all.

* * *

They had just finished dinner. Lelouch was in the kitchen, putting away dishes from their meal and wiping down the countertops. Suzaku sat in the sitting room, going through his mail and drinking a cup of tea. The television was tuned into the news. The station was awaiting an announcement from the Empress of Britannia. Lelouch usually tried to keep track of every public Nunnally made. It let him know that she was still all right, and gave him a chance to see how much she had grown up.

He glanced out the window. It was growing dark; the stars were just beginning to come out. Waves crashed against the beach downhill. Fireflies danced in the garden. He sighed.

"… It is with great sorrow and regret that I tell you this. Lord Zero was pronounced dead earlier this morning. It was about three weeks ago that I sent him on a private and classified trip to Kuwait. He caught a peculiar fever there. Although he fought bravely for one week and three days, his body couldn't overcome the disease. He perished at 9:04 this morning."

Lelouch abruptly left the kitchen to glance at the television screen. He heard a _smash_, and the tea Suzaku had been drinking puddled on the floor.

* * *

Soooo. This chapter was kind of shitty. But I wanted to get it out before my Word trial expired, so here you are. A rushed, shitty chapter. Please review.


	10. The Happy Ending

All right. Before you remember how angry you are at me, I just want to say that all your reviews mean sooooooo much to me! And that I'm terribly sorry this couldn't get out sooner. My heart just hasn't been in anything lately. And the thought of finishing this story just gives me the willies.

**Summary:** And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring—somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds.

* * *

"You're sure about this?"

Lelouch looked so small against the airport crowd. His arms were crossed nervously and his eyes were trained on the ground. Suzaku nodded.

"I need to know what Nunnally is planning. If she's going to be all right."

"Okay." He held his elbows tighter against his body. "Okay."

Suzaku pulled him into a hug. Lelouch wrapped his arms around his neck and took a couple of deep breaths. He knew that there was a chance Suzaku wasn't going to come back. If Suzaku convinced Nunnally the world still needed Zero, Nunnally could always pull strings and come up with a story for a new Zero. And that meant Suzaku would stay with her instead of coming home to Lelouch. The very thought of losing Suzaku again made his heart swell with anguish.

"I love you," Suzaku whispered to him. "I always will. I promise you that."

"You need to hurry." Lelouch straightened the scarf around Suzaku's neck. His eyes were so sad. "You don't want to miss your flight."

Suzaku smiled tenderly. He leaned in and kissed him with so much love that Lelouch forgot how to breathe. When he pulled away, his eyes were starry and his legs were a little shaky.

"Be careful."

"Goodbye, Lelouch."

Suzaku's hand slowly left his and he disappeared into the bustling airport. With a distressed sigh, Lelouch turned and left the colossal building. In a hurried blur, he took the bus into the city and started walking. His feet knew where he was going even if he didn't. A feeling of panic started to set in; his hands were beginning to get clammy and his heart was trying to tick itself into exhaustion. Tears clouded his eyes, and people stared at him as he rushed past but he didn't care. Lelouch barely noticed him.

He walked underneath a cast-iron archway and found himself in a cemetery. He knew this cemetery. He knew the grave he wanted to visit and where it was.

Suvi was laid to rest in a marble sarcophagus. It was a sleek and simple design and rested in the bottom of a beautiful pool of water. The surface of the water rested just over the lid of the coffin, allowing visitors to read the epitaph that was written there:

_The benevolence of her heart, the sweetness of her temper, and the extraordinary endowments of her mind obtained the regard of all who knew her, and the warmest love of her intimate connections. Their grief is in proportion to their affection, they know their loss to be irreparable, but in their deepest affliction they are consoled by a firm though humble hope that her charity, devotion, faith and purity, rendered her soul acceptable in the sight of her redeemer._

Lelouch threw himself to the ground and began to weep. The last two people he had left, both gone in less than a month of each other. First Suvi, gentle, caring, fragile Suvi. The mother he'd never had, the friends he'd lost, the mentor he'd always needed. Then Suzaku. His best friend, his knight, his first and only love. Both were gone, and now he had no one in the world. He was alone again. And back when he was young and naïve and full of ambitions to change the world he lived in, he had always assumed he needed no one. He didn't need companionship or anyone to depend on. That he would be fine by himself. He was starting to realize how wrong he was.

"I'm scared," he said to the little pool in a melancholy, tear-filled voice. "I need someone. You, Suzaku, CC, anyone. I can't be alone anymore. I can't." He wiped the tears from his face as well as he could. "God, I just wish I could talk to you again." He lifted his head. "I wish you were here."

The wind picked up. It tousled his hair, tossing his bangs into his eyes. For a moment, his tears stopped. He sighed airily, trying to let go of the tension in his heart. There was the soft smell of rain on the gusty fall wind, an approaching storm against the horizon. The sea was a violent grey with accents of deep blue thrown into it. Storm clouds gathered over the ocean, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Suvi's grave.

"You know, it's almost funny." He sniffed. "Your name is Suvi. Finnish for summer. When summer faded away, so did you. And then fall came, along with Suzaku."

He closed his eyes and listened to the trees. Their leaves rustled in their branches as the wind hit them. His heartbeat began to slow as his tears dried away, the smell of a retreating Finnish summer lulling him into a feeling of half-hearted peace. He could almost feel Suvi in the weather. The wind was her soft, easy breathing, the leaves her gentle and musical laughter. The scent of roses from the graves around him filled the air, mixing with the heavy scent of the ocean. It smelled like her perfume.

Lelouch felt something brush his jaw. He wanted to imagine it was her hand, soft and smooth against his tear-stained and salty face, but when his eyes opened he found nothing but a wind-blown leaf against his cheek, held there by the persistent breeze. He removed the small, rust-colored leaf and twirled it betwixt his fingers.

He would eventually get up, but for a while he was content to just sit there, reading and re-reading the epitaph on Suvi's grave. Perhaps there was some comfort or condolence to be found in those words.

* * *

Getting back to Britannia was not as difficult for Suzaku as it would seem.

Nunnally often had him leave the country on classified missions, without the guise of Zero. He would wear a disguise, use false identities, and when he returned to her villa he used specific security codes and passage ways installed exclusively for him. The codes he used would erase memory from security cameras, ensuring that he was never seen.

It was a long flight, which he was disguised for. Suzaku wore a black wig and brown contact lenses so he wouldn't stand out and used the fabricated passports and documents he was meant to use when he came back as Zero. Upon landing, he hailed a cab outside and traveled deeper in the capital city. Nunnally's villa was just outside of the capital, in the countryside to the west. Getting there was not difficult; people often drove to look at the beautiful estate. Getting in was an entirely different matter.

Suzaku's cab took him to a small restaurant about two miles from the estate. In the woods behind the little café was an ancient, crumbling well. Hidden beneath a loose stone was a secret touchscreen panel. Suzaku entered a code into it. The rope one might use to lower a bucket in the well snapped taut. He reached out for it and began his descent.

At the bottom of the well was a small shuttle, meant to hold two people at the most. It took him the extra two miles underground, and when he finally reached the villa he hopped out and looked around. There was a secure doorway on the wall in front of him and a hook with a suit-bag on the wall to his right. Inside the bag was a servant's uniform, fake staff ID, and envelope with a fake message inside of it. Once he was dressed, Suzaku punched another lengthy code into the panel on the door and with a rush of air it slid open for him. Envelope in hand, he began his walk to Nunnally's study from the vast cellar of the royal estate.

The letter was to give him a reason to find Nunnally without looking overly suspicious. She was usually in her office this time of day, working. Her tea should have already been brought up and sometimes Suzaku would visit with her while she sorted through her mail and nibbled at her tea sandwiches. Sometimes she would completely ignore her mail and just talk to him.

He finally reached her study. Through the door he could hear her humming sweetly, papers rustling under her fingers. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

"Message for you, your majesty."

"Oh." Her voice was soft and he could hear the caring smile in it. "Come in!"

He opened the door and stepped inside, the letter forgotten in his hand. Nunnally's eyes shone up at him as he approached her desk. When he removed his wig, she gasped and her hands went to her mouth.

"Suzaku!" she said "I barely recognized you! You look… so different." He pulled a chair up next to her desk and smiled. "You don't look the same way you did the last time I saw you." Her hands went up to his face, softly stroking his cheek with her thumb. She gazed at him like she was studying him. Her grin widened and she giggled. "You look so happy!"

"I… I suppose I am happier."

She kissed his cheek and pulled her hands away. Her expression suddenly saddened a bit. "I know why you're here," she murmured quietly. "I knew you would come. It's about Zero."

"What are you planning, Nunnally?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me what you were—"

"Suzaku, I know Lelouch is alive."

His words froze in his mouth. She sighed and took his hand in hers.

"I know CC gave him her code. I know that he didn't die three years ago, and I also know that he didn't have the code anymore."

His brows furrowed. "How… How do you know that?"

She smiled. "CC came to see me a few months after Lelouch's funeral. She told me she wanted to give me her code."

"Give you her code?" He thought about it. "But you never made a contract with her. Even if she had made a contract with you that day, there's no way you could take it, it wouldn't have been long enough."

"I was under Geass for almost my entire life, Suzaku. It leaves quite an imprint in your mind, and the longer you're under it the larger the imprint becomes. Even large enough to hold a code."

"You… You have CC's code?"

"Yes." She lifted a hand to her bangs and moved them out of the way, and on her forehead was the deep fuchsia insignia he'd grown to know remarkably well. "She told me that Lelouch was still alive, but that was all. She avoided all my questions and wouldn't tell me anything else."

"She gave it to Lelouch, but took it back not long after the Requiem," he said. "She told him he couldn't handle eternity. But I don't think that's why."

"Neither do I." Nunnally smiled softly. "Then we went to Finland. I saw Lelouch at Suvi's funeral, and I saw how miserable you were." A tear fell from her left eye, falling down her nose. "You didn't deserve to be so sad, Suzaku. Neither of you did. I wanted you to be happy."

"So you told me to stay there."

"Yes." She wiped away the tear and a small, breathless laugh fell from her lips. "You've done your part, Suzaku. You've helped me to bring the world back from its knees. Zero did what he was created to do, and now he's no longer needed. So I came up with that story, that you died of a fever in some far away country."

"Nunnally…"

"I love my brother, and I love _you_. I want the both of you to be happy with each other, they way you _deserve_ to be. Neither of you should have to live broken and unhappy lives, not after what you've done. For Japan, for everyone. For _me_. I want you to go back to Tampere, I want you to go back to my brother, and I want you both to live happily ever after. The way you should."

For a few moments he just gazed at her, watched the tears dry on her snowy cheeks, and he thought about how funny it was that no matter how much she had grown up these past few years, how beautiful and hardened by the world she had become, she still thought some people deserved a happy ending. Suzaku leaned forward and wound his arms around her soft frame. There was a smile on his face, a truly happy smile that made his face hurt. He had not smiled like that in a long, long time. Far too long a time.

"Thank you, Nunnally," he whispered, and he felt her arms tighten around him. "Thank you so much."

* * *

His little seaside cottage was unbearably quiet.

There was no pleasant chatter over the clinking of breakfast dishes, no bubbling laughter from the gardens in the sunny afternoon, no soft whispering of sentiments during the lonely nights. Lelouch felt as if he were a ghost in his own home. Without anyone else there, the house felt as if it were frozen in time. Once more he was slowly becoming accustomed to being alone.

That morning, Lelouch ate his breakfast in silence. Again. Outside his window the sun was shining cheerily, completely oblivious to his turmoil. He cleared his dishes and cleaned the small kitchen of what little mess he had managed to make.

He supposed he should get a cat, or a dog. Something to fill all the time and loneliness that consumed his days. Maybe he could even pick up a hobby. Perhaps teach himself to play Suvi's beautiful baby grand piano that was just sitting under the conservatory window. It couldn't be that hard to learn how to read music.

Suzaku's clothes were still in his closet. He had no need to take them, instead opting for a small duffle bag filled with things like a toothbrush, documents, and a single change of clothes. Lelouch thumbed through the clothes-hangers, examining his own wardrobe. With autumn nearly upon Tampere, he would have to pull his winter-wear towards the front of his closet. His eye caught a sweater of Suzaku's. It was white, knitted wool. When Lelouch touched it, it was soft against his fingertips. He'd never seen Suzaku wear it; the price tag was even still attached to the sleeve. Pulling it off the hanger, he decided what he would wear that day.

The cottage was unbearably still. Unable to take it anymore, Lelouch took a blanket and opened the front door, plans of an afternoon on the beach in his head. It was chilly outside, even with the abundant sunshine. The wind blew in from the ocean and against his thin frame. Lelouch took a deep breath and relished the salt in the air as it filled his lungs. It was invigorating.

The blanket was spread out on the ground. Lelouch felt the sand underneath his hands and, to his surprise, found the sensation lovely even if the warmth from the summer sun was absent. It was cool and his palms tingled atop the sand. An idea struck him, and after dusting his hands free of the clinging sand, Lelouch reached down to take off his shoes and remove his socks. Dangling his feet over the edge of the blanket, he sighed at the feeling. The sand poured into the spaces between his toes and cushioned his heels. His eyes closed and for a moment he laid there, unmoving and relaxed.

He missed Suzaku. Terribly. When Lelouch woke up these past few days, alone, it was almost enough to keep him in bed and deter him from rising. But something always got him up each morning; a slim glimmer of invisible hope that, maybe, just maybe, Suzaku would come back. Maybe he wouldn't be alone for much longer. However much he clung to that small shard of optimism, reality always butted in to remind him that there was also a chance Suzaku would never return and that he'd be back where he started. By himself.

A small sob bubbled forth from his lips. Cringing, Lelouch rolled on to his side, feet twisting in the sand. His arms curled around himself and he squeezed, feeling his ribcage under his fingers. He remembered the first time he had brought Suzaku to this beach; this place that he and Suvi had shared together. Lelouch remembered the way Suzaku had smiled and how his face lit up. They'd played in the ocean like children, pant legs rolled up to their kneecaps and feet muddy with wet sand. Suzaku had chased Lelouch in the surf and it was comical how little time it took for him to catch up with his best friend and capture him in a tight embrace that left his feet dangling inches from the ground.

Lelouch stood. He was tired of feeling like this. Tired of being lonely and miserable and weak. He knew it was what he deserved, after all he had done, but he couldn't help but to _hate_ it. Determinedly, he sat up to roll the legs of his dark jeans up then got to his feet.

The water was _cold_. Freezing. The intensity of it took his breath away as he stepped into the surf. It lapped around his ankles greedily. White foam broke over the tops of his feet. For the moment it helped him to forget the tears drying on his skin and the ache in his chest. Lelouch looked up from his foot and looked to where the sky met the sea. The ocean was so beautiful that day. Its waters were calm and the sky was a beautiful blue without a cloud to be seen. It was such a contradiction from his current predicament, but he couldn't help but enjoy how beautiful the scene was.

Lelouch's eyes widened. He had heard something. His heart jumped and he looked over his shoulder to where he thought the source of the sound would be. Someone, several yards away, was walking towards him. His breath caught in his throat. He couldn't quite make out who it was, but that didn't stop his wildly beating heart.

There was the noise again; they had shouted to him. Lelouch still couldn't quite make it out, so he took tentative steps in the direction of the person, ears straining. He could make out a familiar green jacket and a duffle bag slung over a shoulder but that was all he could see from so far.

"…ouch!" He caught the tail end of what they were shouting. It was…

"Lelouch!"

And then he was running. He ran faster than he ever had in his life. Neither the wet sand or loss of breath was going to slow him down. He slammed into the person and it was _Suzaku_ he wrapped his arms around, warm and firm and too real to be a figment of his grief-ridden imagination. Lelouch couldn't help himself; he started to cry when he felt himself being squeezed against Suzaku's muscled chest and a pair of lips against his temple.

"You came back," he cried into Suzaku's neck. "I thought you were gone for good, but you came back."

"I'm sorry." Suzaku took in deep gulps of air, breathing in Lelouch's scent. "I'm so sorry."

Lelouch kissed him. He lifted his head and pulled Suzaku's face towards his and kissed him. There were tears on his lips, some his own and some Suzaku's, but it didn't matter. Suzaku was back and he was _his_, and he wasn't going anywhere. He felt Suzaku hum into the kiss, lifting him off of the ground and holding him there. Lelouch carded his hands through curly brown hair, twisting it around his fingers before breaking away and touching his forehead to Suzaku's.

"You talked to Nunnally?" he asked breathlessly. He traced Suzaku's lips with his little finger, more tears welling up against his lashes.

"Yes." Suzaku nodded. "I'm not going back. Never." Lelouch let out a small, happy sob and kissed him again. One of Suzaku's hands rose to cradle the back of his skull. "I'll never leave you again, Lelouch."

"I'll never leave you." Lelouch whispered those words against the corner of Suzaku's mouth. There was a grin on his face that threatened to split it in two.

"We'll be together from now on. Forever."

* * *

The End.

I'm sorry this took so long to get out. I've just been too heartbroken to write anything. My boyfriend of two years just moved out of state and we split up. I've been in a bad place for quite a while, but writing this gave me a chance to feel a little better. Even though I won't get a happy ending, I can make sure that everyone in my stories does.

This story was amazing to write. It's been one of my favorites that I've ever written, but I'm glad that it's finished. I want to thank everyone dearly who kept reading, even after all the slow updates, and I especially want to thank all of you that left wonderful reviews that helped shaped the way I wrote and felt about this story. All of it means so much to me.

P.S.: Bonus points to anyone who can guess whose epitaph that really is.


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